I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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