I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
