Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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