you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
