So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
