look no pants
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wish you could order shots online.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
