If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
