There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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