my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
please come you make the beer taste better
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
