I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
