hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
