my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
