i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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