I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
