I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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