I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
