dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
a search helicopter?!
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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