From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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