Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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