I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
