I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
