I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
