You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
