dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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