I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
