She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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