There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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