i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
