I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
