and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
