lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
