She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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