I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
