girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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