i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
