If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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