Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
