We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
