I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
