you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
