Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Green mimosas i think yes
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
