At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
