I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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