so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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