The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
