He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
