On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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