can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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