he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
