Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
