So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
