Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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