ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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